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SIGNS YOU SMOKE TOO MUCH

* In the middle of smoking a cigarette, you pause for a "cigarette break."

* Your birthday is a state holiday in North Carolina.

* Your title for the Surgeon General: "Captain Bringdown."

* Cracking your knuckles leaves you winded.

* Morning schedule: Wake up, cough for three hours, take nap.

* In your neighborhood, they give directions by saying, "Go down to the big pile of cigarette butts..."

* You get mattress fires more often than haircuts.

* You smoke during sex.

* You refer to nonsmokers as "pink-lunged sissy boys."

* You explain to the nurse that you didn't realize you were in a "nonsmoking" iron lung.

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