YOU KNOW YOU'RE
OVERLY STRESSED IF...
* Your friends tell you that you have been
acting strange lately. After listening to them, you hit them several times with a
sledgehammer.
* Everyone you meet appears to have
tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.
* You write to your mother in Germany every
week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
* Every commercial you hear on the radio
reminds you of death.
* You begin to stop and consider all of the
blades of grass you stepped on as a child, and worry that their descendants are going to
seek revenge one day.
* You have meaningful conversations with
your blender.
* Your father pretends you don't exist,
just to play along with your illusion.
* You like cats. Especially with ketchup
* You scream "I've got a knife!"
to people who try to sell you things.
* You scream "I've got a knife!"
to people at your family reunion
* You cry at the end of every episode of
Gilligan's Island, because you wanted to be on the island too.
* You put tennis balls in the microwave to
see if they hatch.
* Every time you see the commercial for the
Hair Club For Men, you think to yourself, "I think I'll kill the pope today."
* You argue with yourself about which is
better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.
* You like to sit in cornfields for
prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.
* You think that exploding wouldn't be so
bad, once you got used it.
* You can achieve a "Runner's
High" by sitting up.
* The sun is too loud.
* Trees begin to chase you.
* You can see individual air molecules
vibrating.
* You begin to explore the possibility of
setting up an I.V. drip solution of espresso.
* You wonder if brewing is really a
necessary step for the consumption of coffee.
* You can hear mimes.
* You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You believe that if you think hard
enough, you can fly.
* Things become "Very Clear".
* You ask the drive-thru attendant if you
can get your order to go.
* You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You begin speaking in a language that
only you and Channelers can understand.
* The less sense matter and matter is more
than sense.
* You keep yelling"STOP TOUCHING
ME!!!!" even though you are the only one in the room.
* You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* Your heart beats in 7/8 time.
*You and Reality file for divorce.
* You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You can skip without a rope.
* It appears that people are speaking to
you in binary code.
* You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You have great revelations concerning:
Life, the Universe and everything else, but can't quite find the words for them before the
white glow disappears, leaving you more confused than before.
* You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You can travel without moving. Antacid
tablets become your sole source of nutrition.
* You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You discover the aesthetic beauty of
office supplies.
* You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* You have an irresistible urge to bite the
noses of the people you are talking to.
* You say the same sentence over and over
again, not realizing that you have said it before.
* Losing your mind was okay, but when the
voices in your head quieted, it was like losing your best friend.
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