WAYS YOU CAN TELL
YOU ARE A LOSER
* You actually think wrestling is the best
form of entertainment there is.
* Your imaginary friends keep finding
excuses not to come over.
* You pick your nose and don't care who
sees you.
* You're dog won't even sniff your balls.
* You try to commit suicide by jumping out
of a one story window, fail and wonder why.
* You are over 30 and still living with
your parents.
* You are so annoying that even your
multiple personalities won't speak to you any more.
* You find that your friends consist of an
old teddy bear named "Cuddles" and a dead pet goldfish named "Freddy"
(with his scales rubbed off from constant petting).
* Your social life consists of your weekly
visits to the local shrink.
* Your first name is totally unknown to the
public because of that incident in 1st grade that dubbed you "Farty-Pants."
* You are over 18 years of age and still
pee in the public pool.
* You look forward to going to a Catholic
church for confession just so you can have someone to talk to.
* You're still talking about that cool
party you went to 2 years ago.
* You welcome calls from phone salesmen
because no one else will talk to you.
* You get fired from you job at McDonalds.
* Your mom still pick your clothes out for
you.
* You're a part of the *Steve Urkel* fan
club.
* You think that Jack Daniel's is a folk
singer.
* You take a look at your last mug shot and
think, "Hey, ... I'm pretty photogenic!"
* Someone tells you to go "jack
off" ... so you do.
* You practice displaying your butt crack
to get a head start on your future career as a plumber.
* You find that after watching one of those
commercials with a mom and daughter, you begin to doubt your own freshness.... and you're
a GUY.
* You can't wait to watch
"Friends" because that's what they are to you.
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