YOU
MIGHT BE A DEMOCRAT IF...
* You feel Fidelity means not cheating on
your mistress.
* You think that pornography corrupts
women, but find nothing wrong with a 50 year old president seducing a 21 year old intern.
* You cry every May 4th over the four
people killed at Kent State, but have never been to the Vietnam Memorial.
* Along the same lines, "Four Dead in
OHIO" by Neil Young gives you goosebumps, but "19" by Paul Hardcastle means
nothing to you.
* You say shows like "Leave It to
Beaver" are out of touch with America today, while you flip to your soap opera.
* You know of the stockpile of biological
weapons in Iraq, but think that the US is wrong for not signing the land mines treaty.
* You want to know why we don't offer
schooling in prisons (hey, isn't that what public schools are for).
* You think those stupid ribbons actually
accomplish something.
* You tout the NAACP, but criticize anyone
referring to a black man as a "colored person."
* You think a mother has a right to kill an
innocent 5 month fetus because her pregnancy would interfere with her career, but feel we
shouldn't put to death the man who raped and murdered 14 women.
* You feel that banning smoking in public
indoor places limits your constitutional rights.
* You feel that being convicted of treason
is an infringement on your first amendment rights.
* You honestly feel that alcoholics deserve
social security disability benefits.
* You outwardly said "I would have
voted for Elizabeth Dole" knowing darn well you wouldn't have because she is a
Republican.
* You think it is ok for a President to
commit perjury on his sex life, but criticize Dan Quayle for spelling potato/potatoe
wrong.
* You stood on a soapbox demanding that
Anita Hill be heard, but want Paula Jones' accusations to be swept under the rug.
* You think the guy who drops out of High
School and builds your jeep deserves more money than the doctor who went to college for 10
years and saves your kids life.
* You sang along to "Give Peace a
Chance" during the Gulf War.
* You've filed for unemployment within two
weeks of getting out of high school.
* You went to Woodstock II and felt that it
was a significant historical event, changing the way our country thinks.
* You own something that says,
"Dukakis for President," and still display it.
* You've tried to argue in favor of
anything based on, "Well, they're gonna do it anyway so..."
* You've ever said, "We really should
call the ACLU about this."
* You believe that a few hundred loggers
can find another career, but the defenseless spotted owl must live in its preferred tree.
* You ever based an argument on the phrase,
"But they can afford a tax hike because..."
* You've ever argued that with just one
more year of welfare that person will turn it around and get off drugs.
* You think Lennon was a brilliant social
commentator.
* You keep count of how many people you
know in each racial or ethnic category.
* You believe our government must do it
because everyone in Europe does.
* After looking at your pay stub you can
still say, "America is undertaxed."
 
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