SHORT POLITICAL JOKES
A Congressman was once
asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
He said, "If you mean
the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates
family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. But if you mean
the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the
taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort
little crippled children, then I'm for it. This is my position, and
I will not compromise."
At an outdoor press conference,
Al Gore was addressing harsh criticism of being "lifeless as a
statue."
"That is absurd,"
Gore stoically stated. "When elected, the people of America will
see just how passionate and alive I truly am."
Embarrassed for her husband,
Tipper, leaned in to whisper, "Honey, you have a pigeon on your
head."
Doctors are working on
a new hypo-allergenic, non-carcinogenic material for breast implants,
made from vegetable oils.
The Democrats are concerned
that the research could be a Republican dirty trick in the next election
year. Nothing could be more dangerous to Clinton than a woman with large
breasts who smells like a french fry.
Photos showing Monica Lewinsky's
progress in her highly publicized diet deal with Jenny Craig shows that
their newest spokeswoman is making headway in her battle to lose 100
lbs. In fact, she's lost 30 lbs. already.
I can't wait to hear her
new commercial touting her success: "Hi, I'm Monica Lewinsky. Ever
since I started on the Jenny Craig Diet, I think twice about everything
I put in my mouth..."
The Office of Personnel
Management for the federal government today announced the 2000 holiday
schedule for federal employees. There will be two less holidays in D.C.
next year. Halloween and Thanksgiving have been canceled. The witch
is moving to New York. She's taking the turkey with
her.
Two political candidates
were having a hot debate. Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled
at the other, "What about the powerful interest that controls you?"
And the other guy screamed
back, "You leave my wife out of this!"
This morning, National
Public Radio reported that Monica Lewinsky had been in an accident with
her Sport Utility Vehicle. Immediately, four things came to my mind:
1. She must have blown
a rod.
2. Obviously, her driving sucks too.
3. It's not the first time she flipped over something with a spare tire.
4. I wonder how badly THIS accident stained her dress?
Bill goes down to visit
Chelsea at Stanford and to meet her new boyfriend.
Her boyfriend goes up to
Bill and says, "Mr. President it's so great to meet you. You know...
you're my idol, my role model."
Bill replies, "Hey
man, that's it! I don't want you seeing my daughter anymore!"
The Clinton's are certainly
running a rock and roll presidency! It ain't workin', Hillary wants
our money for nothin' and Bill wants his chicks for free!
On July 8, 1947, witnesses
claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle
ranch outside Roswell, an incident they say has been covered up by the
military.
March 31, 1948, nine months
after that day, Al Gore was born.
That clears up a lot of
things.
Saddam Hussein is wondering
why the United Nations won't approve a "no-open-fly zone"
around the Oval Office.
They're going to put two
new faces on Mt. Rushmore. Bill Clinton's.
What is Monica's favorite
Chinese food?
Cream of sum young guy.
I understand that president
Clinton has started smoking a pipe. When asked if he still smoked cigars,
he said, "Cigars are for pussies."
What's Bill Clinton's favorite
flower?
Tulips.
Have you heard about the
new Bill Clinton doll?
You pull a little ring and it NEVER tells the same story twice!
President Clinton said
Monday he is "looking forward" to being the husband of a senator.
The way he figures it, he can finally do to a Senator what they did
to him.
NY Democrats are handing
out bumper stickers saying "Run, Hillary, Run!" NY Republicans
are putting them on their FRONT bumpers.
Crime wouldn't pay if the
government ran it.
According to Men's Health
magazine, the male lion can have sex as often as 100 times a day. In
fact, at 103 times a day, the other animals stop calling him "King
of the Jungle" and start calling him "President of the United
States."
What's green, has 4 legs,
and smells like a woman's butt?
The pool table in the White House.
Did you hear Clinton wants
to change the National Anthem?
He wants to change it to "Yank My Doodle, It's a Dandy!"
What do Jimmy Hoffa and
Linda Tripp have in common?
Nothing... yet.
Did you hear Clinton's
new defense strategy?
He's going to hit on Linda Tripp and then plead insanity.
President Clinton went
back to Arkansas for his high school reunion, and just like on the old
football team, he got into position to take a few snaps... At least
that's what he told Hillary... when she caught him hunched over a cheerleader.
What's the difference between
Monica Lewinsky and the rest of us?
When we want some dick in the White House, we just vote.
Scenario: International
Summit in Paris.
Those attending: Boris Yeltsin, Bill Clinton & Ernesto Zedillo
(Mexican President)
The waiter asked, "
Le apperitive?"
All of them answered, "Oui!"
The waiter looked at Zedillo,
"Le tequila?"
Zedillo: "Oui!"
The waiter looked at Yeltsin,
"Le vodka?"
Yeltsin: "Oui!"
Finally, the waiter looked
at Clinton, " Le whisky?"
Clinton: "Don't you dare mention that bitch!"
What do Bill Clinton and
the Pharaoh's daughter who discovered baby Moses have in common?
They both washed themselves in de Nile.
How will history remember
Bill Clinton?
He was the president after Bush.
Three new bonds are being
issued:
Lewinsky bond: Has no maturity
Gore bond: Has no interest
Clinton bond: Has no principle
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Crime Lab 2A-3356N, Wash DC
DNA Test Results: Clinton, William Jefferson
Dear Mr. Starr:
The test on the dress came back inconclusive. Everyone in Arkansas has
the same DNA.
Sorry,
The FBI
Monica walks into her dry
cleaning store and tells the guy, "I've got another dress for you
to clean."
Slightly hard of hearing,
the clerk replies, "Come again?"
"No," says Monica.
"Mustard."
The Boston Globe reported
today that Monica Lewinsky, depressed after the media comments about
her figure, and wanting a new image, reported to a plastic surgeon for
removal of her love handles. She emerged two days later with no ears.
This statement was made
by Representative Dick Armey when asked whether he would resign if he
were in the president's place:
"If I were in the
president's place I would not get a chance to resign. I would be lying
in a pool of my own blood hearing Mrs. Armey standing over me saying,
'How do I reload this damned thing?'"
The AP reports that close
associates of the Clinton's concede that following the president's confession
of infidelity, his relationship with Hillary has turned rather "frosty"...
This contrasts with the
president's relationship with Monica Lewinsky, which never seemed "frosty,"
but did resemble a slurpee or a big gulp.
An attractive woman was
leaving the White House after completing an appointment. She walked
the length of the hall to the elevator, where she pressed the button.When
the elevator arrived, the doors opened revealing President Clinton standing
inside next to the row of floor buttons. He smiled, looked at the woman,
and said, "Are you going down?"
The woman replied, "
No, I don't work here."
Does Monica Lewinsky have
to file an IRS return for her presidential "income"?
If we were playing "Clue"
it would be "Monica Lewinsky in the Oval Office with the magic
flute."
What's the difference between
President Clinton and O.J. Simpson?
It only took 12 jerks to get O.J. off.
What do you get when you
cross Monica Lewinsky with Ted Kazinksy?
A dynamite blowjob.
What do you call 8 days
in a row of office sex?
Hannukah Lewinsky.
In Kennedy's time we had
Camelot. In Clinton's we have CAME-A-LOT.
The FBI has coined a technical
term for the stains found on Monica's dress: "Presidue."
Did you know that Bill
Clinton plans to join Sesame Street after his presidency is over?
He is going to be called The Nookie Monster!
A guy walks into his local
bordello and picks out a girl. They go back to her room and start to
discuss prices. She says, "It's $100 for a blow job, $200 for straight
sex, and $250 for a Monica."
"What's a Monica?"
he asks.
"That's where I blow
you now and screw you later," she answers.
The FBI will conduct DNA
tests on a blue cocktail dress worn by Monica Lewinsky to determine
whether it contains semen stains that could corroborate claims by the
former intern that she had sexual relations with President Clinton......
Proving that Clinton might be a "trickle down" politician
after all...
Ma Bell will now be adding
a new tax to Clinton's telephone - a luxury tax!
Little Caeser's is changing
their name to "Little Pleasers" and with every pizza ordered
you get a big cigar!
Monica is opening a pizza
parlor and calling it the Home Of The Pizza Slut!
Clinton's new anti-tobacco
message: "Don't put that cigar in your mouth, you don't know where
it has been!!"
Do you know what BITCH
means?
Bill's In Trouble
Call Hillary!
They finally found proper
grounds for impeaching President Clinton. They found out the cigar was
a Cuban.
Just recently Monica applied
to be a Doctor, but she was quickly denied after they found out that
she had sucked as an intern!
For those of you who are
interested in the REAL reason that Ken Starr and the Republicans are
out to get Bill Clinton, it is because: The Republicans are jealous
of the sexual activities of the DEMOCRATS. After all, who ever heard
of a GOOD PIECE OF ELEPHANT!
Did you hear that Chelsea
is suing Monica?
For swallowing her little brother!
Monica Lewinsky came into
Bill Clinton's office. Bill got up and closed the door. He walked over
to Monica, dropped his pants, pointed to his pecker and said, "How
do you like my clock?"
Monica said, "What
are you talking about, that's not a clock?"
Bill answered, "Well
then, put two hands and a face on it!"
Reagan, Bush, and Clinton
all went on a cruise together. While the ship was out in the sea, it
hit an iceberg and started to sink. Quickly, Reagan yelled out, "Women
and children first!"
Bush then cried, "Screw
the women!"
To which, Clinton responded,
"Do you think we have time?"
Bill Clinton is jogging
through the park...a hooker says, "Fifty dollars, Mr. President."
Bill says, "Five bucks!"
The hooker says, "Forget
it."
Later the same hooker sees
Bill walking with Hillary and says, "See what you get for five
bucks?"
You heard that Bill Clinton
is begging forgiveness of the American People? Well, now he's the one
on his knees.
What do Bill Clinton and
Mark McGwire have in common?
They're both making front-page news with their whacker.
When Chelsea was in Girl
Scouts, it was mom Hillary that helped with selling the cookies. Why
not dad?
Because they caught him nibbling on the Brownies!
Bill was recently overheard
complimenting Monica's appearance.
"She's got the whitest teeth I've ever cum across!"
What help wanted ad did
Monica Lewinsky answer?
Be a White House intern, and get a taste of the Presidency!
How will Clinton build
his bridge to the 21st century?
Apparently while part of a federal prison work release program.
What's the difference between
Bill Clinton and his dog Buddy?
One tries to hump the leg of every woman in the White House, the other
is a chocolate lab.
What did Bill Clinton say
after he was asked if Paula Jones was better than Monica Lewinsky?
Close but no cigar!
Clinton testified at the
Paula Jones deposition he preferred to engage in sexual activity only
on the days that started with
"T": Tuesday, Thursday, Today, Tomorrow, Thaturday, and Thunday.
What is Bill Clinton's
favorite federal program?
Head Start.
Once again
Clinton's under attack,
Cause he got another bimbo in the sack.
He said, with a hiss,
"If I'm to get out of this,
I'll have to start a war with Iraq!"
President Clinton was about
to go on national TV for a speech. One of his aids rushed up to him
and ask, "Do you know you have a pair of panties tied around
your upper arm?"
The President replied,
"Yes, that is my patch. I'm trying to quit!"
Clinton returns from a
vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps off Air Force One with
two pigs under his arms. At the bottom of the steps, he says to the
honor guardsman, "These are genuine Arkansas Razor-Back Hogs. I
got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary."
The guardsman replies,
"Nice trade, Sir."
Did you hear that Monica
got honorable mention in her high school yearbook?
She was voted most likely to succeed.
What is Bill's idea of
safe sex?
A locked door.
Clinton still maintains
he was not lying...He was standing and she was kneeling.
Did you hear about President
Clinton's award nomination?
It's for the 1998 Nobel PIECE Prize!
Why is President Clinton
waiting to tell his side of the story?
He wants Marv Albert to do the interview.
The most recent reports
of the stain on Monica's dress have been released. This whole thing
seems to be a vast right-hand conspiracy!
What did Clinton say when
asked if he had used protection?
"Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door."
Why was Monica Lewinsky
in the White House after hours?
Clinton was showing her the proper way to take "dic"tation.
In a surprise interview,
Monica was asked about the details of her late night meetings with the
President......"I can't remember the details, she said,but I know
the answer is on the TIP of MY tongue!"
The White House announced
today that from now on Bill Clinton would not be worrying about international
affairs. Instead he would focus all his attention to what he is really
good at : extra-marital affairs!
Bill and Hillary are at
a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's specials are chicken almondine
and fresh fish. "The chicken sounds good; I'll have that,"
Hillary says.
The waiter nods. "And
the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, he'll have the
fish," Hillary replies.
Bill Clinton was riding
a horse in a parade. When it was over, he commented to Hillary that
the horse he was riding must have been quite a stallion. Hillary said
that she knew the horse he was riding happened to be a gelding.
Bill said, "I know
it was a stallion because I kept hearing people say, 'Look at the dick
on that horse!'"
Back before any of us even
knew who the Clinton's were, they left a party and got into their car.
Hillary slid over close and began to stroke Bill's thigh. After he was
aroused, she bent down and performed quite an extraordinary blowjob
on him.
Bill, confused, but both
pleased and satisfied drove home contentedly.
As they pulled into their
driveway, Hillary stroked Bill's thigh again, and got no response at
all. "There!" she said. "NOW you may drive the blonde
babysitter home."
What's the difference between
Bill Clinton and JFK?
One got his head blown off in the back of a limo, the other was assassinated.
Did you hear the Clinton's
are relieved they named their dog "Buddy"?
They're glad they don't have to run around the White House yelling "Come
Spot!"
What's the best way to
circumcise Bill Clinton?
Kick Monica in the jaw.
How are the networks promoting
the Clinton Testimony tape?
Lust-See TV!
What is Clinton's best
asset?
His lie-ability.
What fraternity did Clinton
join at collage?
I Phelta Thi.
What do Monica and Lucille
Ball have in common?
Both love a little cuban.
What similarity is there
between Monica Lewinsky's groin and Cuba?
They're both excellent tobacco regions.
What did Bill Clinton say
to Monica Lewinsky?
Can I be "blunt" with you?
Did you hear about the
new soap opera?
Its called As the Cigar Turns.
What is the sub title to
the Starr Report?
The President has No Clothes.
Did you hear the latest
gossip on Monica Lewinsky?
She came out with a new brand of condoms: President's choice!
A picture is worth a thousand
words, a DNA sample only one, Guilty.
By C-R-I-M-E do you mean
that C-linton R-eally I-s M-orally E-nept?
Mr. President, I would
tell you to stick it in your blow hole, but I am to afraid you just
might.
Our president is a weasel,
he is a hound. His is like one of the apes in the zoo who always seems
to be openly masturbating when you walk by with your kids.
For a man who isn't really
sure what are sexual relations, he certainly does a lot of research.
I don't see why people
say Starr and Clinton are enemies. They are getting along just like
brothers, Cain and Able that is.
Definition of Oral Sex:
Talking about it.
I just finished reading
the Starr Report. There is nothing better then a Blow by Blow account.
Monica's dress will be
known in history as "The spot seen round the world."
Monica gives a whole new
definition to hand rolled cigars.
Now we know why Bill Clinton
started chewing his cigars instead of smoking them.
Will it be appropriate
now to buy your girlfriend a box of cigars for Valentines Day instead
of a negligee?
Do they sell cigar condoms?
Who needs a humidor if
you have a Monica? Maybe she was showing Bill Clinton a new way to bite
the tip off. (Ouch)
Clinton put the moan in
testimony.
Monica said she was going
to testify truthfully about Bill Clinton. No way will she go down for
Bill Clinton...well not again, anyway.
Seems Bubba has violated
the eleventh commandment: Thou shalt not put thy rod in thy staff.
What is Clinton's Favorite
Garden Tool?
The Blower.
Did you Hear that Clinton
won an Oscar?
He won for the most dramatic score...
What do Monica Lewinsky
and The Green Bay Packers have in common?
They Both blew the big one!
There's a new Bill Clinton
computer coming out soon. It will have a six inch hard drive, but no
memory.
What do Monica Lewinsky
and a soda machine have in common?
They both have a slot that says "Insert Bill Here."
What California
city can't Bill get off his mind lately?
Scent o' Monica.
What did they
find in Monica Lewinsky's dress pocket?
A wad of Bill's.
Did you hear Clinton is
declaring a new National Bird?
The Spread Eagle.
How many White House Interns
does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they are to busy screwing the President.
What is Clinton's favorite
toy?
An Erector Set.
What is Clinton's favorite
card game?
Poker.
What is Clinton's
worst nightmare?
An intern with braces.
How did they finally bust
Clinton?
Monica finally coughed up the evidence.
During Nixon's administration
we had a crisis involving "Tricky Dicky." Now we have
a crisis involving "Licky Dicky."
What's Slick Willie's new
nickname?
President-erect.
What to the Nixon Whitehouse
and the Clinton Whitehouse have in common?
Two Dicks out of control.
What is Pres. Clinton's
pet name for Hilary? "My little buttercup."
What is Pres. Clinton's pet name for Monica? "My little suction
cup."
Did you hear that Monica
Lewinsky is now working for 7-11?
She's endorsing the "Big Gulp."
Why did Bill go out to
sea on an aircraft carrier?
To promote off-shore drilling.
Why is Clinton so interested
in events in the Middle East?
He thinks the Gaza Strip is a topless bar.
Why does Clinton
swim naked in the White House pool?
He is trolling for interns.
What is Clinton's new Secret
Service Code Name?
Unibanger.
Why can't they prove anything
in the Monica Lewinsky case?
Because she swallowed the evidence.
How did Bill reply regarding
questions of "coaching" Monica's testimony?
"It wasn't words that I put in her mouth!"
Bill and Hillary are on
a sinking boat. Who gets saved?
The nation.
What's Bill's fondest wish
now?
That someone would wave a hand at him using more than one finger.
Why is Bill Clinton diverting
federal funds from improving schools to improving jails?
Because when his term is through, he won't be going to school.
What's yellow, hen-pecked
and lays chicks?
Bill Clinton.
How can you tell that the
guy who attacked the White house with a plane was insane?
He seems to have thought Clinton would be in his own bedroom at night.
Where did Bill Clinton
get his favorite hand gesture? (Index finger wrapped around the thumb
when emphasizing a point.)
From pulling down shades in motel rooms.
Why doesn't Hillary smile
more often?
Bill isn't doing to her what he's doing to the country.
What do you get when you
cross Bill Clinton and James Dean?
A man without a clue.
How is Bill Clinton like
an unemployed school teacher?
No class and no principals.
What does Hillary have
in common with the city of Buffalo?
They both have Bills that are losers.
How is the Clinton cabinet
like a bowl of Granola?
What ain't fruit and nuts is flakes.
The American Indians have
nicknamed Bill Clinton as "Walking Eagle" because he is so
full of shit that he can't fly.
Clinton is doing the work
of 3 men: Larry, Curly, and Moe!
Clinton gives the term
"going abroad" a whole new meaning.
It is said that Bill Clinton
is considering changing the Democratic Party emblem from a donkey to
a condom, because it stands for inflation, protects a bunch of pricks,
halts production, and gives a false sense of security while being screwed.
Clinton has designed a
new energy efficient car with no seat and no steering wheel, for those
of us who have lost our asses and have no where to turn.
What is the difference
between George Washington, Richard Nixon, and Bill Clinton?
Washington couldn't tell a lie, Nixon couldn't tell the truth, and Clinton
doesn't know the difference.
What do Monica Lewinsky
and Bob Dole have in common?
They were both upset when Bill finished first.
What does Ted Kennedy have
that Bill Clinton wished he had?
A dead girlfriend and an ex-wife.
Have you heard about the
new presidential limousine?
It's called the Pervertible...the top goes up and the intern goes down.
Why is Clinton's approval
rating so high?
Because Monica was taking the pole.
What's the new press name
for the latest Presidential scandal?
Fornigate.
What position did Monica
Lewinsky have at the White House?
Missionary.
What does Monica Lewinsky
have on her Resume?
"Sat on the Presidential Staff."
What is the difference
between Monica Lewinsky and a Hoover vacuum?
Where the dirt bag attaches.
If Ted Kennedy, Dan Quayle,
Bob Packwood and Bill Clinton all had a spelling contest, which one
would win?
Dan Quayle. He's the only one who knows that harass is one word.
Why did Monica Lewinsky
accept an offer to work on the White House staff?
She didn't understand what STAFF he really meant.
What's the difference between
Bill Clinton and the Titanic?
We know how many went down on the Titanic.
How could President Clinton
deny he had sex with Monica Lewinsky?
Clinton claims it wasn't sex because, after all, she didn't swallow.
What's the most popular
game at the White House?
Swallow the leader.
If Kenneth Starr can extend
his probe, what is wrong with Clinton doing the same?
What do you get when you
cross a crooked lawyer with a greedy politician?
Chelsea!
What movie does Bill Clinton
show to seduce White House interns?
Free Willy.
What's 12 inches long,
3 inches wide and hangs in front of an asshole?
Bill Clintons' tie.
What are the two worst
things about Bill Clinton?
His faces.
Why does Hillary Clinton
wear high collared blouses?
So you won't see her Adam's apple move when Bill talks.
Wouldn't Monica be
great in the "got milk" ads? Can't you just picture her with
that little white mustache?
Scientists developed the
idea for Viagra after studying President Clinton's DNA.
In a survey of American
women, when asked, "Would you sleep with President Clinton",
86% replied, "Not again!"
After the Lewinsky story
broke, Hillary asked Bill to comfort her with those three little words.
Bill said, "EATIN' ain't CHEATIN'!"
Clinton, Perot, and Dole
were on air force one flying to Washington, when Perot got up and threw
a 100 dollar bill out the window. "I just made one person happy."
Not to be out done Dole
stood up and threw 2 50 dollar bills out. "I just made two people
happy."
To get in the act Clinton
threw out 100 1 dollar bills. "I just made 100 people happy."
The pilot over hearing
the whole situation said, "If you guys don't shut up, I will throw
all of you out and make 300 million people happy."
Hillary walked in on Bill
while Monica was between his legs "humming a few bars of Dixie
on the bone-a-phone" and Bill said this: "Hillary I know this
may appear to be an improper relationship, but not to worry.....I am
legally accurate when I say that we are not engaged in a sexual relationship,
and besides that; it's Ken Starr's fault that it's even happening.
Hillary much relieved by
the explanation later went on TV defending and supporting... should
we say "standing by her man."
Monica didn't get paid
for working in the White House...she did it for a GAG!
The new favorite dish in
the White House is the Clinton stew.
One weenie in hot water.
Clinton has given up the
Saxophone...instead he's learning how to play the whore-Monica.
Bill: "I didn't
tell her to lie in the DEPOSITION...I told her to lie in THAT there
position!"
Bill Clinton accused Monica
of not following the party line...He says she only paid lip service
to it.
Clinton hired Johnny Cochran
for his defense. The new line is..."If she spit, you must
acquit!"
Mr. Clinton paid an unscheduled
visit to a US Women's Luge Team practice, just before the team left
for Nagano, Japan, shortly after hearing that they were already lying
on their backs.
The Secret Service got
a real scare the other day when someone threw a beer at Bill Clinton
during his morning jog. Fortunately, it was a draft, so he was
able to dodge it.
Hillary just hired a new
White House intern ... LORENNA BOBBIT!
Most people worry about
getting AIDS from SEX.
Bill worries about getting SEX from AIDES!
The president got
a dog so that Hillary wouldn't be confused when she walked past the
Oval Office and heard, "Roll over, sit, stay. Good.
Now here's your bone."
Hillary's new book: "It
Takes A Village..."
"...To Satisfy My Husband"
A philandering
pres named Bill,
Was married to a lawyer named "Hill."
He played on the side,
And repeatedly lied,
'Cuz his female intern said, "I will!"
Bill Clinton, Bob Dole,
and Newt Gingrich were in a car when they got caught in a tornado, and
landed in The Land of Oz. When they got there. Bob Dole said he wanted
to see the wizard and ask him for some pineapples. Newt Gingrich said
when I see the wizard I will ask for a brain. Then Bill Clinton said,
"Where's Dorothy?"
The president was awakened
late one night by an urgent call from the Pentagon.
"Mr. President,"
said the four-star general, barely able to contain himself, "There's
good news and bad news."
"Oh no," muttered
the president. "Well, let me have the bad news first."
"The bad news, sir,
is that we've been invaded by creatures from another planet. "
"Geez and the good
news?"
"The good news, sir,
is that they eat reporters and piss oil."
Monica and Bill are in
the oval office. Bill says, "Hey Monica...let's play 'Hide
The Sausage'!"
Monica says, "Why...you
always hide it in the same damn place?"
To his credit, Clinton
is now defending Monica Lewinsky, saying she was no different from any
other White House intern.
He said, "She
takes my pants off one leg at a time, just like everyone else."
Bill and Hillary are at
the first baseball game of the season. The umpire walks up to the VIP
section and says something.
Suddenly Clinton grabs
Hillary by the collar and throws her over the wall onto the field.
The stunned umpired shouts,
"No, Mr. President! I said, "Throw the first PITCH!"
One day, Clinton angrily
called the White House interior decorator into the Oval Office.
He said, "Chelsea
is very upset because she thinks she has the ugliest room in the entire
White House; I want something done about it immediately!"
"Yes Sir, Mr. President,"
the interior decorator replies. "I'll take those mirrors out right
away!"
Bill Clinton
is jogging around and tells a Secret Service man, "I can't
wait to get back to the White House so I can rip Monica's panties off!"
The serviceman
replies, "Aren't you a bit frisky sir?
Bill says,
"Nah..they're just riding up my crack!"
One day, Chelsea
Clinton asked her dad, "Do all fairy tales start with 'Once
upon a time'"?
Bill answered,
"No, some start with, 'After I'm elected. . ."
Bill and Hillary Clinton
were sleeping one night at the White House. Hillary wakes up and starts
shaking Bill to wake him up. "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill stays sleeping. Hillary
continues, "Bill, Bill wake up."
Bill finally wakes up and
says, "What do you want?"
Hillary responds, "I
have to go use the bathroom."
To which Bill says, "Please
tell me you didn't wake me up just to tell me you have to go to the
bathroom."
Hillary says, "No,
I just wanted to tell you to save my spot."
ZZZZZ
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