Astrology tells us about people and their
future by their time, date and location of birth. The Chinese Zodiac uses the year of a
person's birth. Demographics tell us what others like, dislike, whom they voted for, as
well as what they buy and what they watch on television. The Corporate Zodiac goes a step
further: simply by an individual's job title, people can pretty much learn about an
employee's hidden personality traits.
MARKETING:
You are ambitious, yet stupid. You chose a marketing degree to avoid having to study in
college, concentrating instead on drinking and socializing - which is pretty much what
your job responsibilities are now. Least compatible with Sales.
SALES:
Laziest of all the Corporate Signs, often referred to as a "marketer without a
degree". You are also self-centered and paranoid. Unless someone calls you and begs
you to take their money, you like to avoid all contact with customers so you can
"concentrate on the big picture". You seek admiration for your golf game,
clothes, car and sex appeal throughout your career.
CUSTOMER SERVICE:
Bright, cheery, positive, you are a fifty-cent cab ride from taking your own life. As a
child very few of you asked your parents for a little cubicle for your room and a headset
so you could pretend to play "Customer Service". Continually passed over for
promotions, your best bet is to sleep with your manager.
TECHNOLOGY:
Unable to control anything in your personal life, you are instead content to completely
control everything that happens at your workplace. Typically you went to a trade school
because you didn't have time for all that "crap" required in college. Often,
even you don't understand what the hell you're saying, but no one else except the
engineers knows anyway. It is written that the Geeks shall inherit the Earth, but the
Senior Managers keep contesting the will.
ENGINEERING:
One of only two signs that actually studied in school, it is said that sixty percent of
all the people on the Internet are either engineers, or wish they were one. You can be
happy with yourself and the latest technology in your field. Your office is typically full
of all the latest gadgets, catalogues and half finished spec sheets.
ACCOUNTING:
The only other sign that studied in school, you are mostly immune from office politics.
You are the most feared person in the organization; combined with your extreme
organizational traits, the majority of your co-workers are convinced that you are
completely without feeling or emotion. You are often caught in the Rest Room, practicing
your frown in the mirror.
HUMAN RESOURCES:
Ironically, given your access to confidential information, you tend to be the biggest
gossip within the organization. Possibly the only other person that does less work than
marketing, you are unable to return any calls today because you have to get a haircut,
have lunch, and mail a letter ! Your favorite expression is: "Now don't say anything,
but..."
MID-LEVEL MANAGERS/ DEPARTMENT
HEADS/ TEAM LEADERS:
Catty, cut-throat, and ambitious, but... you are probably destined to remain at your
current job for the rest of your life unless a Senior Manager dies or retires. You tend to
measure your worth by the number of meetings you can schedule for yourself and the number
of subordinates you can con into sleeping with you. Best suited to date/marry other Middle
Managers, as everyone in your social circle must be at least a Middle Manager for
appearance's sake.
SENIOR MANAGERS:
You enjoy appearing to be the ultimate authority figure but actually, you are completely
spineless, and determined to remain at your current job for the rest of your life, unless
the head of your organization dies or retires. Unable to make a single decision, you tend
to measure your worth by the number of Mid-Level Managers you can harass on any given day
and insure that your office is the largest in the building. Best suited to date/marry
other Senior Managers, as everyone in your social circle is a Senior Manager; besides, no
one else would have you anyway.
