EXCUSES
FOR NOT GOING TO WORK
* I won't be in today. I'm still drunk from
last night.
* My car ran out of gas on the way to work.
I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the
doctors.
* I have a bit of a problem. I got the end
of a Q-tip stuck in my ear and have to go to the doctors to get it out.
* I can't come to work today because the
city is paving my street and I can't get out.
* I am sorry but I will be unable to come
in to work today. My agoraphobia (fear of leaving the house) is kicking in and I am afraid
to drive today.
* Can't come in today, the springs on the
garage door broke and I can't get the car out cause the door won't open.
* Sorry Boss I can't come into work
today...my spirit guide says work is for losers!
* There has been an urgent family
emergency, which I can't talk about lest I endanger any innocent bystanders.
* I can't come into work today because of
eye trouble.... I can't see working today.
* I can't come in to work today because
I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?
* When I got up this morning, I took two
Ex-lax in addition to my Prozac. I can't get off the john, but I feel good about it.
* My mother-in-law has come back as one of
the Undead and we must track her to her coffin to drive a stake through her heart and give
her eternal peace. One day should do it.
* I can't come to work today because the
EPA has determined that my house is completely surrounded by wetlands and I have to
arrange for helicopter transportation.
* I am converting my calendar from Julian
to Gregorian.
* I am extremely sensitive to a rise in the
interest rates.
* If it is all the same to you I won't be
coming in to work. The voices told me to clean all the guns today.
* My stigmata's acting up.
* I have a rare case of 48-hour projectile
leprosy, but I know we have that deadline to meet....
* I am stuck in the blood pressure machine
down at the Food Giant.
* Yes, I seem to have contracted some
attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Skins, huh? So, I won't be able to,
yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
* Constipation has made me a walking time
bomb.
* The psychiatrist said it was an excellent
session. He even gave me this jaw restraint so I won't bite things when I am startled.
* The dog ate my car keys. We're going to
hitchhike to the vet.
* I prefer to remain an enigma.
* I set half the clocks in my house ahead
an hour and the other half back an hour Saturday and spent 18 hours in some kind of
space-time continuum loop, reliving Sunday (right up until the explosion). I was able to
exit the loop only by reversing the polarity of the power source exactly elog (pi) on all
the clocks in the house while simultaneously rapping my dog on the snout with a rolled up
Times. Accordingly, I will be in late, or early.
* Yes, I seem to have contracted some
attention-deficit disorder and, hey, how about them Falcons, huh? So I won't be able to,
yes, could I help you? No, no, I'll be sticking with Sprint, but thank you for calling.
* I just found out that I was switched at
birth. Legally, I shouldn't come to work, knowing my employee records may now contain
false information.
 
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