WHAT
JOB APPLICANTS REALLY MEAN
* I KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH STRESSFUL
SITUATIONS: I'm usually on Prozac. When I'm not, I take lots of cigarette and coffee
breaks.
* I SEEK A JOB THAT WILL DRAW UPON MY
STRONG COMMUNICATION & ORGANIZATIONAL SKILLS: I talk too much and like to tell
other people what to do.
* I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF
OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Office.
* I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND
DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies.
* MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE
INCLUDES: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had.
* I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame
others for my mistakes.
* I'M BALANCED AND CENTERED: I'll
keep crystals at my desk and do Tai Chi in the lunch room.
* I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR: I know a
lot of corny, old jokes and I tell them badly.
* I'M PERSONABLE: I give lots of
unsolicited personal advice to co-workers.
* I'M WILLING TO RELOCATE: As I leave
San Quentin, anywhere's better.
* I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I
carry a Day-Timer.
* MY BACKGROUND AND SKILLS MATCH YOUR
REQUIREMENTS: You're probably looking for someone more experienced.
* I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a
lot.
* I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my
desk.
* I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED:
The minute I find a better job, I'm outta there.
* I HAVE FORMAL TRAINING: I'm a
college drop-out.
* I INTERACT WELL WITH CO-WORKERS:
I've been accused of sexual harassment.
* THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME AND
CONSIDERATION: Wait! Don't throw me away!
* I LOOK FORWARD TO HEARING FROM YOU
SOON: Like, I'm gonna hold my breath waiting for your stupid form letter thanking me
for my interest and wishing me luck in my future career.
 
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