MIRANDA
RIGHTS
THE REVISED MIRANDA
RIGHTS - VERSION 1
1. You have the right to remain motionless,
or you may elect to run away from me.
2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct
my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth.
3. You have the right to have your lawyer
run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the
court to jog along with you.
4. If while running, you suddenly decide to
end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may
continue his persuit of you in full stride.
5. You may stop running at any time, at
your own risk.
6. Good luck. On your mark, get set....
GO!!!!!
THE REVISED MIRANDA
RIGHTS - VERSION 2
1. You have the right to swing first.
Anything you do can and will lead to an ass-kicking.
2. You have the right to have a priest
and/or an EMT present at the time of the ass-kicking.
3. If you don't have a priest, one will be
appointed free of charge, to read you your last prayer.
THE REVISED MIRANDA
RIGHTS - VERSION 3
You are under arrest and ...
1. No, I don't care who you are.
2. No, I don't care who you know.
3. Yes... you DO pay my salary.
4. Yes... you CAN have my job.
5. No, I don't have anything better to do.
6. Yes, I DO arrest real criminals
sometimes.
7. No, I am not picking on you because you
are _____________ (fill in some ethnic group/race).
8. No, I can't give you a break.
9. No, I don't know your friend, Officer
______.
10. Yes, you will be allowed to make a
phone call.
11. Yes, I'm sure you will never do it
again.
12. No, we can't talk about it.
13. Yes, it DOES make me happy.
14. Yes, you WILL see me in court.
Thank you, have a nice
day... TOMORROW!!!
Your Arresting Officer
__________
 
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