TOP 15 PET PEEVES OF
MORTICIANS
Copyright 1999 by Chris White
The Top 5 List http://www.topfive.com
15) Best make-up artist in the world, but
your models never make the cover of Cosmo.
14) No moth, no Jodie Foster -- just
leaves, dirt, and regular dead folks.
13) Only three hits this month on the
"World O' Coffins" web site.
12) Tough to convince anyone to let you
place bodies in action poses.
11) Ask any chem prof what happens when you
mix embalming fluid and breast implants... WHAMMO!
10) Working alone late at night inevitably
results in an extreme attack of "the willies."
9) Hard to close the lid on
Eroto-Asphyxiation victims.
8) Embalming fluid bottle looks an *awful*
lot like Colt 45 bottle.
7) Toe tag paper cuts.
6) The wife keeps asking if you could bring
a little more rigor mortis home, if you know what I mean.
5) Nobody visits your booth at junior high
"Career Days."
4) Every time Keith Richards gets
mistakenly hauled in, it costs *us* money.
3) At Thanksgiving, no one even TOUCHES
your giblet gravy.
2) Constant complaints of, "But he
looks like Michael Jackson!"
1) Dying in each other's arms may sound
romantic, but once rigor mortis sets in, it just means overtime.
 
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