Bob, a lawyer, was driving home over the
Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day out on the ocean fishing. His catch, cleaned
and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger side floor. He was late getting
home and was speeding. Wouldn't you know, a cop jumped out, radar gun in hand, motioned
him to the side of the bridge.
Bob pulled over like a good citizen. The
cop walked up to the window and said, "You know how fast you were going, BOY?"
Bob thought for a second and said,
"Uhh, 60?"
"67 mph, son! 67 mph in a 55
zone!" said the cop.
"But if you already knew
officer," replied Bob, "Why did you ask me?"
Fuming over Bob's answer, the officer
growled, in his normal sarcastic fashion, "That's speeding, and you're getting a
ticket and a fine!"
The cop took a good close look at Bob, in
his stained fishing attire and said, "You don't even look like you have a job! Why,
I've never seen anyone so scruffy in my entire life!"
Bob answered, "I've got a job! I have
a good, well-paying job!"
The cop leaned in the window, smelling
Bob's fish catch, said, "What kind of a job would a bum like you have?"
"I'm a rectum stretcher!" replied
Bob.
"What you say, BOY?" asked the
patrolman.
"I'm a rectum stretcher!"
The cop, scratching his head, asked,
"What does a rectum stretcher do?"
Bob explained, "People call me up and
say they need to be stretched, so I go over to their house. I start with a couple of
fingers, then a couple more, and then one whole hand, then two. Then I slowly pull them
farther and farther apart until it's a full six feet across."
The cop, absorbed with these bizarre images
in his mind, asked, "What the hell do you do with a six foot asshole?"
Bob nonchalantly answered, "You give
it a radar gun and stick it at the end of a bridge!"
