RESUME
BLOOPERS
How bad a mistake can you make on your
resume? Here are some real-life examples:
"My intensity and focus are at
inordinately high levels and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
"Education: Curses in liberal arts,
curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
"Instrumental in ruining entire
operation for a Midwest chain store."
"Personal: Married, 1992
Chevrolet."
"I have an excellent track record,
although I am not a horse."
"I am a rabid typist."
"Created a new market for pigs by
processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."
"Exposure to German for two years, but
many words are not appropriate for business."
"Proven ability to track down and
correct erors."
"Personal interests: Donating blood.
15 gallons so far."
"I have become completely paranoid,
trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
"References: None, I've left a path of
destruction behind me."
"Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines
while maintaining composer."
"Don't take the comments of my former
employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But
since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I procrastinate - especially when the
task is unpleasant."
"I am loyal to my employer at all
costs. Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice-mail."
"Qualifications: No education or
experience."
"Disposed of $2.5 billion in
assets."
"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire
department."
"Extensive background in accounting. I
can also stand on my head!"
Cover letter: "Thank you for your
consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
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