HOROSCOPES FOR
SOUTHERNERS
OKRA
Dec 22 - Jan 20
Although you appear crude, you are actually
very slick on the inside. Okra have tremendous influence. An older Okra can look back over
his life and see the seeds of his influence everywhere. Stay away from Moon Pies!
CHITLIN
Jan 21 - Feb 19
Chitlins often come from humble
backgrounds. Many times they're uncomfortable talking about just where they came from. A
chitlin, however, can make something of himself if he's motivated and has plenty of
seasoning. When it comes to dealing with Chitlins, be very careful. Chitlins can burn and
then erupt like Vesuvius, and this can make for a really terrible mess. Chitlins are best
with Catfish and Okra. Remember that when marriage time rolls around.
BOLL WEEVIL
Feb 20- Mar 20
You have an overwhelming curiosity. You're
unsatisfied with the surface of things, and you feel the need to bore deep into the
interior of everything. Needless to say, you are very intense and driven as if you had
some inner hunger. Nobody in their right mind is going to marry you, so don't worry about
it.
MOON PIE
Mar 21- April 20
You're the type that spends a lot of time
on the front porch. It's a cinch to recognize the physical appearance of Moon Pies. Big
and round are the key words here. You should marry anybody who you can get remotely
interested in the idea. It's not going to be easy. This might be the year to think about
aerobics. Maybe not.
POSSUM
APR 21 - May 21
When confronted with life's difficulties,
possums have a marked tendency to withdraw and develop a don't-bother-me-about-it
attitude. Sometimes you become so withdrawn, people actually think you're dead. This
strategy is probably not psychologically healthy, but seems to work for you. One day,
however, it won't work and you may find your problems actually running you over.
CRAWFISH
May 22 - June 21
Crawfish is a water sign. If you work in an
office, you're always hanging around the water cooler. Crawfish prefer the beach to the
mountains, the pool to the golf course, the bathtub to the living room. You tend to be not
particularly attractive physically, but you have very, very good heads.
COLLARDS
June 22- July 23
Collards have a genius for communication.
They love to get in the "melting pot" of life and share their essence with the
essence of those around them. Collards make good social workers, psychologists, and
baseball managers. As far as your personal life goes, if you are Collards, stay away from
Moon Pies. It just won't work. Save yourself a lot of heartache.
CATFISH
July 24 - Aug 23
Catfish are traditionalists in matters of
the heart, although one: Whiskers may cause problems for loved ones. Your catfish are
never easy people to understand. You prefer the muddy bottoms to the clear surface of
life. Above all else, Catfish should stay away from Moon Pies.
GRITS
Aug 24 - Sept 23
Your highest aim is to be with others like
yourself. You like to huddle together with a big crowd of other Grits. You love to travel,
thought so maybe you should think about joining a club. Where do you like to go? Anywhere
they have cheese or gravy or bacon or butter or eggs. If you can go somewhere where they
have all these things, that serves you well.
BOILED PEANUTS
Sept 24 - Oct 23
You have a passionate desire to help your
fellow man. Unfortunately, those who know you best -- your friends and loved ones-may find
that your personality is much too salty, and their criticism will probably affect you
deeply because you are really much softer than you appear. You should go right ahead and
marry anybody you want to because in a certain way, yours is a charmed life. On the road
of life, you can be sure that people will always pull over and stop for you.
BUTTER BEAN
October 24 - Nov 22
Always invite a Butter Bean because Butter
Beans get along well with everybody. You, as a Butter Bean, should be proud. You've grown
on the vine of life and you feel at home no matter what the setting. You can sit next to
anybody. However, you too, shouldn't have anything to do with Moon Pies.
ARMADILLO
Nov 23 - Dec 21
You have a tendency to develop a tough
exterior, but you are actually quite gentle. A good evening for you? Old friends, a fire,
some roots, fruit, worms and insects. You are a throwback. You're not concerned with
today's fashions and trends. You're not concerned with anything about today. You're really
almost prehistoric in your interests and behavior patterns. You probably want to marry
another Armadillo, but Possum is another somewhat kinky, mating possibility.
 
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