YOU
MIGHT BE A REDNECK CROSSDRESSER IF...
- You go to family reunions to meet guys.
- You wear a dress that's strapless and a
bra that ain't.
- You wear combat boots with a minidress.
- You wear jeans with a belt buckle that's
bigger than your fist.
- You have a Ford F150 pick-up truck, with
a gun rack, a Dale Earnhardt license plate frame, and a Confederate flag on the tailgate,
next to the bumper sticker that says "I sell Avon Skin-So-Soft."
- You try to wax your legs with Turtle Wax.
- You braid the hair that sticks through
your fishnet stockings.
- Wear a black John Deere baseball cap with
pearls.
- You use glitter to highlight your
mustache.
- You wear tube tops with your mini,
because it shows off your Harley-Davidson tattoo.
- Your favorite band ring came off a cigar.
- You keep spare ammo in your bra.
- You get a run in your stockings while
changing a tire on your motorhome.
- Your purse is a toolbox.
- You pluck your eyebrows with a pair of
needle nosed pliers.
- You store your lipsticks in a
socket-wrench box.
- You use duct tape to keep your
"tuck" in place.
- You call your vanity "your work
bench."
- You use a pocketknife to sharpen your lip
and eye liners.
- "Doing your nails" means
sorting the ten-pennies from the sixteen-pennies.
- Your favorite leather skirt was made from
the moose you shot last Fall.
- Your new sandals are made from truck tire
re-treads your found on the road.
- You keep a spare lipstick in your
toolbox.
- You wear a pair of C-clamps as screw-on
earrings.
- Your best silver necklace is made from
beer can pull-tabs.
- Your nail enamel is made by Rustoleum.
-. You use paint thinner to remove your
makeup.
- Your moisturizer says "non-detergent
SAE 10W30" on the container.
- You remove your leg hair with duct tape.
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