SHORT REDNECK JOKES
An infinite number of rednecks, in an
infinite number of pickup trucks, firing an infinite number of shotguns at an infinite
number of road signs, will produce all the great works of literature - in Braille.
Why aren't rednecks circumcised?
They need a place to put the tobacco when they shower.
I just received Alabama's new state
quarter. It is two dimes and a nickel taped together.
I was traveling through south Georgia
yesterday and noticed a lot of signs saying "pecans ahead." Wouldn't
"restrooms ahead" be more appropriate?
What's the difference between a northern
girl and a southern girl?
A northern girl says you can and a southern girl says you all can.
How's a redneck tell the difference between
a bull and a cow in the dark?
He sticks his nose in the animal's ass. If there's a place for his tongue, it's a cow.
Why do rednecks like the doggie position?
That way they can both watch wrestling.
What do rednecks call ductape?
Chrome.
What's the difference between a good ol'
boy and a redneck?
The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.
What's the difference between a Yankee zoo
and a Redneck zoo?
On the cage in a Yankee zoo, it will have the name of the animal and the scientific name
in Latin. A Southern zoo will have the name of the animal and a recipe.
Did you hear about the redneck who passed
away and left his entire estate in trust for his beloved widow?
She can't touch it till she's fourteen.
What's the difference between a good ol'
boy and a redneck?
The good ol' boy raises livestock. The redneck gets emotionally involved.
What's the most popular pick up line in
Arkansas?
Nice tooth!
Did you hear about the new 3 million dollar
Tennessee State Lottery?
The winner gets 3 dollars a year for a million years.
What do a divorce in Tennessee, a tornado
in Kansas and a hurricane in Florida have in common?
Somebody is fixin' to lose them a house trailer.
Why do folks from Tennessee go to the movie
theater in groups of 18 or more?
17 and under are not admitted.
What do you get when you have 32
Tennesseeians in the same room?
A full set of teeth.
Why did O.J. Simpson want to move the
Tennessee?
Everyone there has the same DNA.
Did you hear that the Governors mansion in
Tennessee burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
A new law was recently passed in
Tennessee. When a couple gets a divorce they're still brother and sister.
You know right away the band Barenaked
Ladies is from Canada because if they were from Georgia, they would be called Bucknaked
Women.
Best bar pick-up line in Kentucky:
"Hey, you don't sweat much for a fat broad."
How do you know when your staying in an
Arkansas hotel?
When you call the front desk and say "I've gotta leak in my sink" and the person
at the front desk says "go ahead."
How can you tell if a redneck is married?
There is tobacco spit stains on both sides of his pickup truck.
What's the difference between Virginia and
West Virginia?
In Virginia, Moosehead is a beer. In West Virginia it's a misdemeanor.
What is a Redneck's defense in court?
"Honest your Honor, I was just helping the sheep over the fence."
Did you hear that they have raised the
minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32?
It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools!
What do they call "Hee Haw" in
Arkansas?
A documentary.
What do they call it in Kentucky?
"Life Styles of the Rich and Famous."
How many rednecks does it take eat a
'possum?
Two. One to eat, and one to watch for cars.
Why did God invent armadillos?
So that rednecks can have 'possum on the halfshell.
At the police station, Bubba explained to
the police officer why his cousins shot him.
"Well," Bubba began, "We wuz
havin' a good time drinking, when my cousin Ray picked up his shotgun and said, 'Hey, der
ya fellows wanna go hunting?'"
"And then what happened?" the
officer interrupted.
"From what I remember," Bubba
said, "I stood up and said, 'Sure, I'm game.'"
Two good ole boys, Billy Bob and Joe Bob
were hunting one a sunny day. Now Joe Bob was not the brightest person in the world. They
came up on a pretty young girl sunbathing in the nude.
Billy Bob jumped up and said, "Boy,
she looks good enough to eat."
So, Joe Bob shot her.
Two Tennesseeians are walking down
different ends of a street toward each other. One is carrying a sack. When
they meet, one says, "Hey Tommy Ray, whatcha got in the bag?"
"Just some chickens."
"If I guess how many there are,
can I have one?"
"Heck, I'll give you both of
them!"
"Okay. Five?"
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911.
The 911 operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the
operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of
Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell
that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Bubba
said, "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"
A girl from the South and a girl from the
North were seated side by side on a plane.
The girl from the South, being friendly and
all, said, "So, where ya'll from?"
The Northern girl said, "From a place
where they know better than to use a preposition at the end of a sentence."
The girl from the South sat quietly for a
few moments and then replied, "So, where ya'll from, bitch?"
Research had been going on for many years
as to the invention of the toothbrush. Researchers knew the purpose of the device, but
wanted to know and acknowledge the originating location.
After a very long and exasperating study
the researchers came to their conclusion as to the origin of the toothbrush. It was
decided that the brush was invented in West Virginia.
Intrigued with the discovery, the
researchers were asked by the media how they came to the conclusion. They all agree it was
simple deduction, "If it was invented anywhere else, it would have been called a
teethbrush."
A Tennesseeian came home and found his
house on fire, rushed next door, telephoned the fire department and shouted,
"Hurry over here. My house is on fire!"
"Okay" replied the
fireman, "How do we get there?"
"Don't you still have those big red
trucks?"
A native from Tennessee and his gal were
embracing passionately in the front seat of the car. "Want to go in the back
seat? she asked.
"No," he replied.
A few minutes later she asked,
"Now do you want to get in the back seat?"
"No," he said again,
"I wanna stay here in the front seat with you."
 
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