RULES FOR YANKEES
WHO MOVE TO THE SOUTH
- Don't order a steak at a Waffle House.
They serve breakfast 24 hours a day. Let them cook something they know.
- Don't laugh at folk's names. Merleen,
Bodie, Luther Ray, Tammy, MariBeth and Inez have been known to whip a man's ass for less
than that.
- Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of
soda; this can lead to a beating. Down here it's called Coke, even if you want a Pepsi.
- Southern women don't fancy to smart mouth
Yankees. Just remember, they all have brothers and daddies.
- Don't show allegiances to any other
school in football other than an ACC or SEC team. All the others are a bunch of candy
asses who play Wyoming every week.
- Don't call us a bunch of hillbillies.
Most of us are better educated than you and a whole lot nicer to boot.
- Yes, we know the humidity is high; just
quit bitching, spend your money and go home.
- No, the state symbol of North Carolina is
not the orange and white highway barrel. This road construction is pissing us off too.
- Don't go to the Cracker Barrel and order
toast. If you do this everyone will know you're from Ohio. Just eat the biscuits like God
meant for you to do.
- Don't try to talk with a Southern accent
if you don't have one. Nothing makes us madder than a Southern wannabe.
- Don't be telling everybody how much
better it was back home. If you don't like it here, get your sorry ass back home!
- We don't play lacrosse or none of them
other sissy northern games, so don't be asking about no scores, cause we just don't care.
- Save all manner of bacon grease. You will
be instructed later how to use it.
- If you forget a Southerner's name, refer
to him (or her) as "Bubba." You have a 75% chance of being right.
- Just because you can drive on snow and
ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
- If you do run your car into a ditch,
don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a
tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their
way. This is what they live for.
- Don't be surprised to find movie rentals
and bait in the same store.
- Do not buy food at the movie store.
- If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it
ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
- Remember: "Y'all" is
singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural
possessive.
- Get used to hearing, "You ain't from
around here, are you?"
- People walk slower here.
- Don't be worried that you don't
understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
- The first Southern expression to creep
into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in
"big ol' truck" or "big ol' boy". Eighty-five percent begin
their new Southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are
in denial about it.
- The proper pronunciation you learned in
school is no longer proper.
- Be advised: The "He needed
killin'" defense is valid here.
 
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