YOU MIGHT BE IN A
COUNTRY CHURCH IF...
* The doors are never locked.
* The Call to Worship is, "Y'all come
on in!"
* People grumble about Noah letting coyotes
on the Ark.
* The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask
Bubba to help take up the offering" and five guys stand up.
* The restroom is outside.
* Opening day of deer hunting season is
recognized as an official church holiday.
* A member requests to be buried in his
four-wheel drive truck because, "I ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get me out
of."
* In the annual stewardship drive there is
at least one pledge of "two calves."
* Never in its entire 100-year history has
one of its pastors had to buy any meat or vegetables.
* When it rains, everybody's smiling.
* Prayers regarding the weather are a
standard part of every worship service.
* A singing group is known as "The
O.K. Chorale."
* The church directory doesn't have last
names.
* The pastor wears boots.
* Four generations of one family sit
together in worship every Sunday.
* The only time people lock their cars in
the parking lot is during the summer and then only so their neighbors can't leave them a
bag of squash.
* There is no such thing as a
"secret'' sin.
* Baptism is referred to as
"branding.''
* There is a special fund-raiser for a new
septic tank.
* Finding and returning lost sheep is not
just a parable.
* You miss worship one Sunday morning and
by 2 o'clock that afternoon you have had a dozen phone calls inquiring about your health.
* High notes on the organ set dogs in the
parking lot to howling.
* People wonder when Jesus fed the 5,000
whether the two fish were bass or catfish.
* It's not heaven, but you can see heaven
from there.
* The final words, of the benediction are,
"Y'all come on back now, ya hear!"
 
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