WAYS
TO SURVIVE EVEN THE DULLEST OF SERMONS
* Pass a note to the organist asking
whether he/she plays requests.
* See if a yawn really is contagious.
* Slap your neighbor. See if they turn the
other cheek. If not, raise your hand and tell the priest.
* Devise ways of climbing into the balcony
without using the stairs.
* Listen for your preacher to use a word
beginning with 'A' then 'B and so on through the alphabet. You may get stuck on 'Q' and
'X' though...
* Sit in the back row and roll a handful of
marbles under the pews ahead of you. After the service, credit yourself with 10 points for
every marble that made it to the front.
* Using church notice-sheets or newcomers
cards for raw materials, design, test and modify a collection of paper airplanes.
* Start from the back of the church and try
to crawl all the way to the front, under the pews, without being noticed.
* Raise your hand and ask for permission to
go to the lavatory.
* Whip out a hankie and blow your nose.
Vary the pressure exerted on your nostrils and trumpet out a rendition of your favorite
hymn.
* If the sermon goes on for more than 15
minutes, start blowing bubbles.
* Pretend to be 4 years old.
* Try to indicate to the minister that his
fly is undone.
* By unobtrusively drawing your arms up
into your sleeves, turn you shirt inside out.
* Try to raise one eyebrow.
* Crack your knuckles.
* Think about your chin for an entire
minute.
* Twiddle your thumbs.
* Twiddle your neighbors thumbs.
* Wiggle your ears so that the people
behind you will notice.
* Practice smiling insincerely.
 
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