ELECTRONIC
CHURCH
You know your church has gone over the
electronic communications edge when:
* The pastor reads his sermon from a
palm-held computer "notepad."
* There are cell-phone chargers next to the
pew-pencil drill holes
* MCI takes out full-page ads in the church
bulletin.
* At the church flea market, used cell
phones and answering machines outnumber bowling balls, blenders and electric can-openers.
* When the bells are rung at the end of the
service, half the congregation reaches into pockets or purses to see if it was for them.
* The parish not only has an Internet web
site, the parish council has discussed petitioning the bishop to change the parish name to
"All Saints Domain."
* Everyone in the parish assumes everyone
knows what "domain" means.
* People without email addresses are known
as "the needy."
* As an April Fool's Day joke on the
pastor, several of the teenagers hid their pagers around his office, then called them all
simultaneously. Apparently it did not startle him. He said he felt like he was at Sunday
liturgy.
* During coffee and doughnuts after
services, people are overheard wondering if confession by email would be
"licit." Someone thinks "licit" is the name of a new software company.
* A petition is circulating to partition
the prayer room, creating a "beepers-on" section.
* To quiet fussy 2-year-olds, handing them
pagers on "vibrate" is more common than handing them Cheerios.
* Five-year-olds actually do say
"deliver us some email" during the Our Father rather than "deliver us from
evil."
 
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