FOREST GUMP GOES TO
HEAVEN
The day finally arrived: Forest Gump dies
and goes to Heaven. He is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself. The gates are
closed, however, and Forest approaches the gatekeeper.
Saint Peter says, "Well, Forest, it's
certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you. I must inform you that the place
is filling up fast, and we've been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The
tests are fairly short, but you need to pass before you can get into Heaven."
Forest responds, "It shore is good to
be here St. Peter. I was looking forward to this. Nobody ever told me about any entrance
exams. Sure hope the test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it was."
St. Peter goes on, "Yes, I know
Forest. But the test I have for you is only three questions. Here is the first: What days
of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Second, how many seconds are there in a year?
Third, what is God's first name?"
Forest goes away to think the questions
over. He returns the next day and goes up to St. Peter to try to answer the exam
questions.
St. Peter waves him up and asks, "Now
that you have had a chance to think the questions over, tell me your answers."
Forest says, "Well, the first one, how
many days of the week begin with the letter 'T'? Shucks, that one's easy; that'd be Today
and Tomorrow!"
The saint's eyes open wide and he exclaims,
"Forest! That's not what I was thinking, but ...you do have a point though, and I
guess I didn't specify, so I give you credit for that answer."
"How about the next one," says
St. Peter, "How many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," says
Forest. "But, I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be
twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve!
Twelve! Forest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a
year?"
Forest says, "Shucks, there gotta be
twelve: January second, February second, March second....."
"Hold it," interrupts St., Peter.
"I see where you're going with it. And I guess I see your point, though that wasn't
quite what I had in mind, but I'll give you credit for that one too."
"Let's go on with the next and final
question," says St. Peter, "Can you tell me God's first name?"
Forest says, "Well shore, I know God's
first name. Everbody probly knows it. It's Howard."
"Howard?" asks St. Peter.
"What makes you think it's 'Howard'?"
Forest answers, "It's in the
prayer."
"The prayer?" asks St. Peter,
"Which prayer?"
"The Lord's Prayer," responds
Forest: "Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...."
 
|
