YOU
MIGHT BE A SOUTHERN BAPTIST IF...
- You think John the Baptist started the
SBC.
- You think God's presence is strongest on
the back three pews.
- You think "Amazing Grace" is
the national anthem.
- You judge the quality of the sermon by
the amount of sweat worked up by the preacher.
- Your definition of fellowship has
something to do with food.
- You ever wondered when Lottie Moon and
Annie Armstrong would get paid off.
- You honestly believe that the Apostle
Paul spoke King James English.
- You think worship music has to be loud.
- You think Jesus actually used Welch's
grape juice and saltine crackers.
- You judge the quality of a service by its
length.
- You ever wake up in the middle of the
night craving fried chicken and interpret that feeling as a call to preach.
- You believe that you are supposed to take
a covered dish to heaven.
- You have never sung the third verse of
any hymn.
- You have ever put an IOU in the offering
plate.
- You think someone who says
"Amen" while the preacher is preaching might be a Charismatic.
- You complain that the pastor only works
one day and then he works too long.
- You clapped in church and felt guilty
about it all week.
- You are old enough to get a senior
discount at the pharmacy, but not old enough to promote to the Senior Adult Sunday School;
you think the only promotion after that is the cemetery.
- You are upset that Joshua brought down
the wall of Jericho and think that the deacons should recommend that the church pay for it
to prevent a general ruckus.
- You are upset that the last hymn in the
new hymnal is numbered "666."
- You happen to know that Lottie Moon is
not a member of the Unification Church.
- You wonder when they are ever going to
get that Cooperative Program thing paid for.
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