SIGNS
YOU'VE HAD A BAD DATE WITH A GIRL
* Not only is she a little young, but
you're sure that you used to date her mother.
* You find out her real name is Vinnie, and
you used to play little league with her.
* She has a thicker mustache than you.
* When you go to pick her up, her lawyer
meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions.
* You jokingly ask her if she wants to go
down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a
violation of her parole.
* Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm
system.
* You walk away from her front door with
the roses you got her shoved up your ass.
* You are the first guy that she's gone out
with that isn't her cousin.
* At the end of the night she gives you a
coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic.
* She beats the crap out of some guy for
making fun of your hair cut.
* You wake up the next morning with a
wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno.
* At the end of the night, you drop her off
at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill.
* You wake up to find your loins covered
with purple and green spots, with an intense itching in your left thigh.
* She keeps staring at you all through
dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet Satan.
* She is better hung than you.
* She constantly complains that her cat
won't stop laughing at her.
* She informs you that you can't go out
again because her spirit guide doesn't like you.
* She informs you that you can't go out
again because her boyfriend doesn't like you.
 
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