YOU
KNOW YOU'RE KINKY WHEN...
- You keep the ACE Hardware catalog with
your other pornography.
- You were always disappointed that the
book Of Human Bondage wasn't.
- Sticks & stones may break your bones,
but that's an acceptable risk.
- You read Andrea Dworkin for the
pornography.
- You call people other than your Father
"Daddy."
- Reading the word spanking makes you
blush.
- Your first, favorite scout badge was for
knot tying.
- You moved to Oregon so you could wear
more raincoats.
- Kitchen utensils are found in your
bedroom.
- Tack shops: Not just for equestrians
anymore.
- You own and use handcuffs, but aren't
employed in law enforcement.
- Your contracts involve punishments, but
no money.
- Your friends covet the bondage cross in
your bedroom.
- You hear about a Bridal Fashion Show to
be held in your town, and you think, "Cool! I've always wanted to see what pony gear
looks like ON someone!"
- Your entire Music collection consists of
music you can Scene to.
- You give a new song a rating of 65. It's
got a good beat and you can squirm to it.
- You start to salivate and get aroused as
you pass the local candle factory.
- You always smell like Yankee Candle's
Scent-Of-The-Month.
- Canning season gets you *really* excited.
- You see a sign in front of a house that
reads, Chairs Caned, and you stop to see if the poor guy needs a PERSON to cane.
- Citibank calls you because someone used
your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state, and they know
that you live in a metropolitan area and don't own a horse.
- You make your vacation destination
decisions based on that area's Assault and Battery, Consent, and Sexual Deviance laws.
- Your Avon Representative politely informs
you that the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent you have been
pestering them about.
- Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far
more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.
- They know you by name, size, and favorite
colors at four local leather shops.
- You need an 18-wheeler to haul all your
toys to a party.
- Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are
way cool because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot tying.
 
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