What to do if you think you, or someone you
love, has a vagina? Having a vagina can be an absolutely frightening experience. Vagina
effects all people and it doesn't discriminate. Whether you're black, white, Asian, young,
old, rich, poor, or even Korean, you may already be inflicted with vagina. We at the
Vagina Research Institute have spoke with several vagina'ed individuals and would like to
share their advice in hopes to serve the vaginally ignorant. Here are some common
questions that people with vagina have:
Will my vagina make me die?
More than likely, yes. While the purpose of
the vagina is still unknown, it is a well documented fact that 100% of those inflicted
with vagina, have their lives ended with death.
Why does my vagina bleed every
month?
Well there are 2 schools of thought about
the blood issue; 1st being that the vagina gets routinely sick of it's own smell and has
developed internal ulcers that tend to bleed every month. 2nd school of thought comes from
the religious right, and claims that vagina is a result of the devil and one of the
devil's promises to Jesus Christ was that he would, among other things, ruin all the white
jeans of everyone in the world. This is reportedly claimed in the bible, however this
cannot be confirmed because no one has yet read the bible.
My car keys keep slipping out of my
vagina. Any recommendations?
Quite often, people with vagina use it to
keep their keys and identification card when they go out bar hopping. If your keys
continue to slip out of the vaginal opening, get one of those sharp bottle opener /
keychain things and, using slight force, dig a groove into the inner wall of your vagina
so they can be hung there like a hat rack. And, depending on the size of your vagina, you
can also use the same method to sneak your beers out of the bar.
What is likely to be found in a
vagina?
I'm glad you asked. Vaginas on the whole
seem to cling to those members of our society who can be construed as moody, arrogant and
even downright hard to get along with. The current state of thought on the contents of the
vagina tends to lead toward a bacteria that seems to tax one's common sense quite
thoroughly. Researchers seem to think that vaginas may contain an undiscovered enzyme that
attacks one's more cerebral or 'rational' traits and leans the individual toward
irrational thinking.
Case in point: A vagina researcher once
discovered that his roommate was a victim of vagina. The vagina'ed individual seemed to be
relentless in her pursuit of control of the researcher, despite repeated attempts to
explain that much of this asserted control was in areas in no way connected to the
vagina'ed person. Eventually the vagina'ed person found a more tolerant and gullible
person to take advantage of and escaped the researcher's quarters. But this episode taught
us quite a bit, and we will one day learn more once we are able to hold another vaginoid
in captivity.
If you suspect that you have a vagina or
have any questions about your vagina, let us know! Call 1-800-VAG-INAS. Operators standing
by on 24-hour call.
