Two ship captains were sitting at the bar
one night getting good and lit when one turned to the other and said, "You know what
gets me, though, is these damn sailors! Oh sure, they're fine for the first few weeks, but
on those three-month trips at sea they start getting pretty hard up. With all the whacking
off going on, it's a wonder any work is getting done, and it's making a mess all over the
ship. I don't know what to do!"
The other captain smiles knowingly at his
companion. "Oldest trick in the book. You take the crew and divide them into two
teams. Then you buy about 50 barrels and put them on the ship. You tell the crew that the
team that fills the most barrels wins a bag of gold."
"Well that's a great way to keep the
ship clean, but then I'm out a bag of gold every trip!"
"Not so," replied the other
captain. "After you get back to port, take all the barrels together and sell them to
the wax factory to make into candles. You make a tidy profit every time."
The captain pondered this and the next day,
he took his friend's advice and divided the crew, bought a bunch of barrels, and set off
to sea. Before long, the crew took to the new system and began filling barrel after
barrel.
When they finally reached port, the captain
sold the barrels for a huge profit. 'This is great,' thought the captain, 'before long,
I'll be able to buy a new boat!'
This went on, voyage after voyage. Then one
day, the ship happened back to that very first port. Coming down the gangplank, the
captain was surprised to see the cops waiting for him. As they slapped the cuffs on him,
the captain cried out, "What's the meaning of this?!"
"You sick bastard," replied the
cop. "Remember all those barrels you sold to the candle factory last time you passed
through town?"
"Sure," said the captain.
"What about 'em?!"
"Well, they made them into candles,
sold them to the convent, and now all the nuns are pregnant!"
