IN PRAISE OF OLDER
WOMEN
* An older woman can wear any hat she
chooses and nobody will laugh. A younger woman wearing the same hat will always look like
a lampshade in abrothel.
* An older woman will never wake you up in
the middle of the night and ask you, "What are you thinking?" An older woman
doesn't care what you think, if you think at all.
* An older woman always carries a purse
full of emergency supplies. Young women go hungry and bleed to death every time there's a
natural disaster.
* An older woman always carries a condom in
her purse. A younger woman is still hoping the guy might have one on him.
* An older woman is a cheaper date. A
younger woman will cost you 12 beers, but an older woman will sleep with you after a cup
of a herbal tea.
* The older a woman gets, the stronger her
libido gets and the older a man gets, the weaker his libido gets... which is why nature
intended young guys to go out with older women and young women to go out with older men.
* An older woman can wear bright red
lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar.
This is not true of younger women or drag queens.
* Older women can run faster because
they're always wearing sensible shoes.
* An older woman is into free sex! An older
woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia
about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny,
dependent lover!
* Older women are more honest. An older
woman will tell you that you are an asshole if you're acting like one. A young woman will
say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her. An older woman puts
herself on a pedestal.
* An older woman will never get pregnant
and then suddenly demand that the two of you get married. In fact, if you impregnate an
older woman, you will probably be the last to know.
* Older women have jobs with dental plans.
Younger women can't help you when your teeth get knocked out playing hockey.
* An older woman will never accuse you of
"using her." She's using you.
* Older women take charge of the situation.
An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever,
by the phone, for you to call.
* Older women know how to cook. Young women
know how to dial Pizza Hut Take out.
* An older woman will introduce you to all
of her girlfriends. A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in
case you get any ideas.
* Older women are psychic. You never have
to confess to having an affair, because somehow they always know.
* Older women often own an interesting
collection of lingerie that they have acquired from admirers over the years. Young women
often don't wear underpants at all, thus practically eliminating all possibility of a
strip-tease.
* Older women know what Kegel exercises
are.
* An older woman will agree to go to
McDonald's with you for a meal. Younger women are too nervous to eat anything in front of
somebody that they might possibly boff later.
* Older women are dignified. They are
beyond having a screaming match with you in the middle of the night in a public park.
* Older women are experienced. They
understand that sometimes, after 12 beers, a boy just can't get it up. A younger woman may
need some time to grasp this fact.
* An older woman has lots of girlfriends
and most of them will want to boff you too.
* An older woman will always meet the
minimum height requirement to go on an amusement ride.
* An older woman will never accuse you of
stealing the best years of her youth because chances are someone else has stolen them
first.
 
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