NEW
NASCAR RULES
15) After each caution, the car will run
the opposite way ... caution - clockwise - caution - counter clockwise - caution -
clockwise ... etc.
14) Earnhardt, Jr., has to drive with a
passenger ... preferably a sumo wrestler ... for extra weight.
13) Potty pit stops during a half time.
12) No more champagne in Victory Lane. A
special Jeff Gordon whine will be used.
11) The 'wider is better' Pontiac will be
narrowed since NASCAR has discovered the reason Pontiac widened the car was to accommodate
Tony Stewart's ego.
10) Races will be shortened to 7 laps so
Darrel Waltrip can finish on the lead lap on at least one of his final races.
9) There will be a 15 minute half time
break so Benny Parson can get a snack ... better make it a 30 minutes.
8) Cars with handicapped plates shall pit
in specially marked blue pit stalls.
7) Depends Undergarments announced it will
sponsor a car for the 2001 season. For the betterment of the sport, NASCAR forbids Dick
Trickle to be named the driver.
6) To ward off an approaching sexual
discrimination lawsuit, NASCAR mandates at least one member of each sexuality will be
represented on each team ... Male, Female and Kenny Irwin.
5) Top speed is out! The cars starting
positions will depend on how pretty the car is. If it's ugly they will vote on who gets
provisionals, the ugliest car goes home.
4) To save the Inspectors time, Jeremy
Mayfield's car will automatically fail inspection each week and the team will be fined
$25,000.
3) Mike Skinner will start backwards so
when he spins he will be facing the right direction.
2) The winner of a race will be determined
by who picked the winner in NASCAR ROCKS ... if no one picked a winner, straws will be
drawn ... the straw draw also holds true for second on back.
1) Because of Political Correctness, no
discrimination against the handicapped will be permitted. This shall be called the Kenny
Irwin Rule.
 
|
